I actually went to the gym today!! I was wrong about the Zumba class time but tomorrow it's at 4:30 so I'll go to it then. I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes covering almost 3 1/2 miles and then I did the weight machines -- all 12 of them!!! It took me about an hour overall and I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow and wonder why I did this to myself but I'm really proud of myself right now!
Well...here I am trying to put my thoughts in writing when what I should really be doing is getting some much needed sleep. I don't even know if I will ever tell anyone that I have this blog out there but it's just that I have been thinking so much lately about the goals I have and how I've had such a hard time meeting them. I just feel like putting them in writing like this is something I really need to do. One big goal is to get to a healthy weight. I spend hours setting up spreadsheets that show when I will meet my goal if (and that's the operative word here) I lose a certain amount of weight each week. Inevitably the dates go whooshing by and I am not much closer to that goal than when I sat back all proud of my accomplishment of making the goals so many weeks earlier! Tonight is one of those nights.
This morning while getting ready for church I was looking in the mirror before jumping in the shower (BTW...I have a real love/hate relationship with that darn wall decoration; I love that it allows me to make sure I'm not going out with some ugly stray hair where it shouldn't be or that I have some giant piece of agricultural matter stuck between my teeth but I hate the fact that it shows all those bumps, rolls, stretch marks, and other such unwanted baggage in full and glorious technicolor) and really felt that need to do something about the parts of my reflection that I just don't like. The bible says that our bodies are God's temple and I've let mine decay until it's almost not in useable service. I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself. I know that God loves me, warts and all, but I don't love myself (or at least my body anyway) very much right now. I'm uncomfortable and self-conscious and really tired of it.
I know what I need to do - eat better and get some exercise! I've known this winning combination for years but any long term ownership has eluded me. So...I'm putting it in writing, hence the reason for being up much later than I should be, I will pack my gym clothes tomorrow so that when I get back to town from work at 4:00 I can go straight to the gym. They have a dance/aerobics class 4:30 so I will have more than enough time to get there, change, and stake my spot at the back of the class. If I am going to be a klutz (which will most likely be the case -- my mother didn't call me Grace because that was the name on my birth certificate), I certainly don't want to be up in the front! I've had that happen before and my poor bruised self esteem just couldn't take that kind of abuse again.
So...I'm off to bed and if anyone happens to surf on into my foray into blogging, think nice thoughts of me and wish me well. I really do want this to be something I've followed through on and then can look back knowing that the girl who wrote those crazy rambling sentences wasn't as hopeless as she felt. After I tackle this issue maybe I'll think about tackling my house next!! Oh my, girl, one impossibility at a time!!! ;-)