When I was a kid we would get so excited when Charlie Brown's Halloween would come on TV so I just had to use one of my favorite scenes as my final TTT for Halloween. Enjoy and I hope you get full candy bars in your trick or treat bag!!!
Ok...so we now know that CarGuy's middle brother and sister are not marrow matches. So his mom calls the younger brother to tell him the news so he can go get tested. His response...you just will not believe this...he'll think about it! WHAT?!?!?! I'm still in shock at his callousness and downright meaness. I'm trying to keep a Christian attitude about this situation but I'm really having a hard time with it. I just can't believe he would stand by knowing that he might be the difference between life and death for CarGuy and he can say he'll think about it?!?!
I've prayed and prayed that God would take this malice that I am feeling out of my heart but I still feel just as ugly about the situation as I did before. I want to yell and scream at him and ask him how he can be so horrible. How can he live with himself for treating his own flesh and blood this way? I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he doesn't understand the ramifications of his actions on us. But I know logically that the middle brother has explained it all to him and I'm sure the mom cried her ever-lovin' eyes out while she was talking to him. The stress of the unknown is enough to pull you into a deep crevasse of depression that you can never get out of. I'm hoping that as soon as we know we have a donor that some of this blackness will lift. Whether it's him or an unrelated donor - just to have someone lined up. We need some peace about this.
Between these issues and CarGuy being a bit of a snot today I'm at the end of my rope. I'll probably regret writing this tomorrow but when I started this blog I promised myself that it would be a real and open place for me and not somewhere else in my life that I have to pretend to be someone else. This is not a place for the mask of having it all together with little birdies singing sweetly at my shoulder while I put a pretty dress on. It's ugly, it's real, and it's me!
Yep...my clumsiness reigns supreme!! I have now sprained my ankle and scraped up my knee. You wonder how this happened? Well...let me tell you - I was just walking and boom down I went. I have a theory...wanna hear it? Ok...well it goes something like this:
For months now I've been developing a love/hate relationship with WallyWorld (you know who I'm talking about right?). They love my money and hate to give it to them. Unfortunately when your money belt is being tightened sometimes you have to let go of your high and mighty ideals and walk in the door. Besides...my vanity got in the way and I really needed some of this: I know, I know, but it's the greatest stuff ever and doesn't require me to take out a home equity loan to keep my skin soft and supple - well, as soft and supple as 40 something skin can be when it's been abused for the first 25 years with excessive tanning, mega make up, and little to no cleansing regimen.
So, anyways...I am walking along minding my own business when this stupid curb decides I must step down and my ankle says it prefers not to do so. The one good thing is that it happened between 2 cars with no witnesses so I was able to wrench myself back up without people asking me if I'm ok. The pain of the injury I can take but the embarrassment is the killer! I hobbled back to my car with blood pouring down my leg (well really it was just a little bit of seepage but this is my story so I'll embellish wherever I like...thank you!) and drove myself home. Yes, without my beloved face cream!!
I got the ankle x-rayed and it's not broken and I've doctored my knee through a little bit of an infection this weekend. I'm actually doing really well now and decided to try my soiree to the dreaded mega-store again. I did go to a different location though -- no need to rile up the curbs again! I finished my shopping in record time and without nary a scratch but....can you see this coming? I forgot this!!!!!!! So my theory is that Wal-Mart is the source of all my clumsiness!!! I don't think that logic is flawed at all!!
I just realized that I haven't updated you all on CarGuy's continuing battle with leukemia. I'm feeling a little pooped so this probably won't be too witty or entertaining but here's the scoop. He's doing pretty good. He finished up his 3rd chemo this week bringing him 1/2 way through his planned treatments before his bone marrow transplant. We're still waiting to find out if his brother or sister were a match. He has one more brother but he refuses to get tested until the others are ruled out. In a way I sort of hope he doesn't match. He holds a grudge against CarGuy and I would be terrified that he would be the match and then change his mind at the last minute. It makes me really sad that someone could hate someone else so much that they are willing to let them die. I try not to think about it too much or else I get really depressed....so...moving on...
CarGuy had a blood transfusion today -- I was with him and it was kinda creepy. It was amazing though that I could see the color returning to his face as the transfusion happened. The transfusion center was great. The rooms were pretty much private and you had a TV in your room. I wish the cancer center had that. Although I'm getting a lot of reading and cross stitch done during chemo since I'm not being hypnotized by the TV.
I'm still trying to get CarGuy to let me take a pic of him -- he's got this cute little headful of chicken fur. I love to run my hand over it! I don't think he likes it as much as I do.
I’m singing a solo with our church choir on Sunday and while I always love the opportunity to sing with a great choir and an awesome band, this particular song has gripped me more than most and believe me that’s saying something!! I’m deeply moved by music and nearly everything in my life has a soundtrack to go along with it. In order to explain why this particular song means so much I need to take you back in time….
Over 15 years ago I heard a sermon on the hole we have in our hearts. That sermon has always stayed in my memory (I bet it takes up the space that was supposed to be for my PIN number to my credit union ATM card!!). Anyway…the gist of the sermon is that we all have a hole in our heart and we spend our lives trying to fill it up. Most things we try to fill it up with only last a short while and we end up feeling emptier in the end. This song talks about all those things we try to use as a filler and that we really aren’t that different from each other. Some of us use drugs, relationships, money, food, etc. but in the end they are all just things that really don’t satisfy. I think this song talks to me so much because I’ve been there. I’ve tried all those other things only to be left either with an addiction or huge disappointment or other trouble to show for it! I’m not saying I have it all figured out and that sometimes I don’t try to fill my life with stuff that doesn’t matter – oh, believe me, I still do that!! What I am saying is that if we stay cognizant of those things trying to weasel their way into our lives that maybe, just maybe, we might be better at keeping them out.
So….that brings us back to today and why I even started this post. I know I ramble but sometimes I really need that in order to get where I really need to be. Anyways…I like to type up my words for Sunday mornings because it helps me memorize them and I can set them like a little security blanket on a music stand “just in case”. I’ve learned that most lyrics can be found on the internet which saves my little fingers from having to type every single word – yes, I’m lazy, you are too so just admit it and stop looking at me that way! ;-) While I was searching for this song I found that Mandisa (of America Idol fame) recorded this song. I really like her version and I was able to find a video to go with it! Have I mentioned before that I just love Youtube? How in the world did I exist before the internet?!? I listened to some of the other snippets from her album and they are great! I will definitely be adding her CD to my Christmas list! Enjoy this video even though it's not Tiny Theater Thursday -- think of it as a bonus!! See how much I love you all?!?