A New Tradition?

Ok...so I’ve never been one to really celebrate New Year’s. I’d even go so far to admit to you all that I’ve only been awake at the stroke of midnight maybe 10 or 12 times in my life and none of those times have actually occurred in the recent past. I did actually go to a party last year but I was home and in bed snoring by 10. Now that I am building a new life for myself I thought it might be fun to see how other people celebrate the new year and maybe find a new tradition of my own. I did a quick search on Google (have I mentioned I totally heart Google?) and this is what I found according to www.gadlings.com:

South America - in countries like Brazil and Bolivia, it's what's inside that counts. Residents in cities such as Sao Paulo and La Paz ring in the New Year by donning brightly colored underpants. Those who choose red are hoping for an amorous year ahead, those with yellow wish for money. I guess this begs the question of how you tell who is wearing what color underwear. Perhaps that is best left unanswered...

So what do you think it means if I wear these?

Denmark - as if the effects of plentiful New Year's alcohol were not disorienting enough, many Danish revelers leap off chairs at the stroke of midnight, hoping to banish bad spirits in the year ahead.

Nope...no way...nada...we know what happens when I stand on chairs: http://wingsaway.blogspot.com/2008/05/dont-shake-wobbly-chair.html

Philippines - New Year's celebrations in places like Manila tend to be circular; Filipinos focus on all things round, consuming "round" fruits such as grapes and wearing clothing with round shapes like polka dots. The spherical theme is meant to remind celebrants of the "round" shape of coins and prosperity.

These are round, right?

Spain - at the stroke of 12, Spaniards begin to consume 12 grapes, attempting to eat the whole bunch by the time the clock stops chiming.

I could so do that! Having a big mouth is good for something I always say!!

(Nope..that's not me..I just thought that was a hilarious picture. How much you wanna bet this poor girl is wishing she would have never taken that trip to the vineyard?)

Belarus - the new year in Belarus is all about getting hitched. Unmarried women compete at games of skill and chance to determine who will tie the knot in the coming months. One game involves setting piles of corn and a rooster before the potential brides-to-be whichever pile the bird chooses apparently picks the lucky lady.

Uh, I think I'll pass on letting some crazed rooster peck stuff in front of me.

(Yes...I did meet this rooster and take his picture. He was nuts!! Scared the feathers right off me - well...if I would have been wearing feathers, that totally would have happened.)

Once I really think things through I think I’ll stick with my old stand-by of trying to stay up to see the ball drop in NYC while attempting to figure out how old Dick Clark really is. He’s still on, right? I told you it’s been a while.

A funny thing happened on the way to the art show...

This weekend I went to this big sculpture show. Amazing pieces and really nice people (well, mostly). Ok…I gotta deviate and tell you about the mean lady. I have a friend who is totally into art but he couldn’t come to the show so I planned to take lots of pictures of the pieces and e-mail them to him. So, I’m walking around with my so professional looking Kodak Easyshare Point and Shoot camera from Wal-mart. I’m snapping pictures and the artists seem so pleased that someone likes their stuff enough to take a picture of it. I came to this one display of these strange little figurines doing yoga poses. I actually thought it was kind of creepy but intriguing at the same time. I snapped a quick picture and the artist said to me, “you should ask before you take a picture.” I apologized and asked her if she would like me to delete the picture. She said she did and that she is tired of people stealing her ideas. I thought to myself not only am I not stealing your ideas but I can’t imagine who would want to. And…if I had money to spend here, it would not be on your creepy little lumps. My girlfriend, Bee, was with me and she was appalled at how the woman acted. But don’t worry we verbally berated her to each other the rest of the afternoon – I’m sure her life will be deeply saddened that she can’t count us as fans of her work! ;-)

So back to the subject of this post…if I were normal, I would be showing you my favorite pieces but come on, admit it, we all know I am not exactly normal. I could show you art that inspires you and makes you want to be a better person. I could even show you works that bring back memories of a special time. But, instead, here is what you get…



Yep…that is a tooth whitening stand. I know, I said the same thing. Exactly who goes to an art show to get their teeth whitened? And this wasn’t just your run of the mill put this nasty gel stuff on your teeth for 20 minutes kind of place. This place had the chairs and the lights and everything. Maybe I’m just weird but sitting in a chair with my lips stretched in an unnatural way and a bright blue light shining in my face is not something I plan to do in full view of the public. I’m just sayin’….

Scenes from a Hospital Bathroom

As you know CarGuy is back in the hospital and while I'm not having to sleep on the floor in his room this time around (thank goodness!!) I do have to use the community bathroom. While I have an aversion to public restrooms in general, I am glad that the bathroom is right across from his room rather than out 2 doors and down the hall and around the corner like the last time we were here. I'm sure I was 12 degrees of entertaining to the staff around here before with my sprinting at Olympic speed to the bathroom all the time. I can move pretty darn fast sometimes!

Why am I telling you all this about a bathroom? Well...something struck me as funny in there today. Oh, come on now, stop looking at me like that, those who either know me IRL or have been reading this blog for any length of time know that I see the world a little oddly and have no trouble sharing my musings with anyone who will listen (or read). So...come along with me...if I go into TMI territory, see that little red x up in the top right hand corner of your monitor? Just click it, go take a cold shower with lye soap, get yourself some hypnosis therapy, and you will soon forget what I shared with you (or maybe you won't). ;-)

I should probably tell you first and foremost that I am a voracious reader. I read a lot and I will read anything and everything that crosses my path! When I was a kid I drove my parents crazy because I had to read, out loud mind you, every sign, bumper sticker, reader board, etc. that I saw. Yes...I HAD to do it, not I WANTED to do it, I HAD to do it. It's an illness - I need therapy - I know this. TMI warning ahead -- when I am in the bathroom I have to read stuff. I will look for things to read even if it's the naughties that are written on the bathroom walls -- although sometimes those are pretty darn engaging! Well anyway...in this particular bathroom there's really not much to look at but there is a can of disinfecting spray. So...I grab the can and am happily going along reading everything on the can -- yes, I did say happily -- it does make me happy to read stuff like this.

While I'm reading I'm thinking to myself that it really does amaze me that you have to tell people they should not spray this kind of stuff in their eyes and that it's not meant for internal human consumption. Who are these morons anyway? Oh, wait, I think they are the same ones who sue McDonald's when they spill their coffee on themselves and it burns them -- uh, clue one, it's coffee!! Carry on...

But...this particular can was even funnier than that. This one told you that you must don goggles or a face shield when using this product. Huh?!?!? We are talking about a household product that is supposed to make your life more pleasant by dissipating obnoxious smells and killing germs in order to keep you healthy...right? In fact, this product actually touts that it should be in nurseries -- it's been a while but I think that's where you store your babies. Those little wiggly creatures who are entirely dependent on adults to ensure their safety. Now...I am supposed to spray this spray in their living environment but I better put on a face shield first?

Oh, but, wait...that's not all!! The can also directs you that you must clean up any "gross filth" before using this product. *snicker* In my mind I see filth that has grown to the 144th power, has sprouted arms and legs, and is crawling toward this little June Cleaverish woman trying to spray it into submission -- wearing her face shield of course! Yes...you could say I've been watching way too much SciFi Channel!

I want to know what team of lawyers or industrial hygienists were involved in drafting up that packaging. I bet they are just loads of fun at parties!!